He Knew You

(Source)

Before the world began.  I was assisting in the Children's Equipping Center last night and we were talking with the children about a God who knew them before they were born.  We shared how God thought about each one of them before He even laid the foundations of the earth.  We had the children meditate on a song that expressed God's heart for them. I loved hearing the children share what they wrote in their journals.  They have such a rich understanding of God's love.

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.  (Psalm 119:13-18)

I was not privy to this information, about a God who loved me deeply, while I was young. I came to know the Lord at the ripe age of 20.  Understanding, and even fully experiencing the freedom of this kind of love is something I've struggled with all of my life.  I wish I could say that I have fully come to know and understand this love.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16-19)

But I can't.  Oh, I believe that God loves me.  I believe it because I know His Word to be true.  I believe it with my mind.  Head knowledge.  But I long to feel the depth of that love, like waves crashing in the ocean, overwhelming my heart.  A portion of the above scripture was used for the tagline in my header "rooted and grounded in the marvelous love of God".  I chose that not because I have arrived at a place of understanding, but I chose it as a constant reminder to continue to pursue the knowledge of God and the love that He gives.

I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.  (Jeremiah 31:3) 

The children at CEC get it.  They understand and are able to comprehend.  I can imagine how they feel when they hear about a God who loved them before He even made the world.  And I find myself longing for those feelings, those butterflies, the warmth of knowing.  Why is it so hard for this love to go beyond "head" knowledge and sink deep into my heart?  Is it wrong for me to want to "feel" this love?  I am not lacking in experience.  I've felt His touch on my life.  It goes deeper than that.  And then I ask the question, "God, what is it that makes it so hard for me to fully comprehend your love".  And I wait. And my heart is raw and tender before Him today as I ask Him to come bring revelation to my heart.