Waiting

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I was going through my archives and came across this post. It originally was posted in September of 2009. I felt as if I should resurrect it this week! 

Since the day we are born, we are taught to wait. In our infancy, we are helpless. We cannot ask for the things we need, so we cry, trusting that mom or dad will come to our rescue. As toddlers who are old enough to ask for what we want or need, we are often met with the dreaded word “wait” by mom or dad. We throw a fit, stomping off with our arms crossed and a frown on our face. We would often comment, “I don’t want to wait. It will take too long”, or “it’s not fair”. In our teenage years, we wait for the first day of Jr. High or High school, we wait to get our first job, our driver’s licenses, we wait to graduate high school, for acne to be gone, to start college and to find our soul mate whom God has designed specifically for us. The list goes on and on. 

As adults, we are still waiting on the Lord for many things. Waiting is not always easy. But I believe God’s timing in all things is perfect. He always brings forth the answer, yet it is not always within the time frame we would choose. We simply have to trust. David was a man after God’s own heart. He walked closely with God. Yet, his prayers and admonishes are full of waiting: 

• David waits in expectation for the Lord’s answers each day.  

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. (Psa. 5:3); 

• David encourages us to be strong and to not lose heart as we wait for the Lord to reveal Himself in our situation.   

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psa. 27:14); 

• David instructs us to wait with hope because God will come to our rescue. 

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. (Psa. 33:20); 

• David instructs us to put our hope in the Word of God as we wait for the Lord’s answers. 

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. (Psa. 130:5) 

Webster’s Dictionary defines “to wait” this way: to remain in readiness for some purpose.  Other words for “wait” are: anticipate, look forward, long, pine, yearn, expect, be ready. 

As David waited on the Lord, he remained in a state of readiness to fulfill the purposes of God for that day. He encouraged himself in the Lord, telling himself to stay strong and reminding himself that God would rescue him. David put his hope in the Word of God. He trusted that God would take care of him. 

In those times when I desperately need an answer from God, I can often get impatient and tend to want to find my own solutions. Sometimes in the waiting, I can feel abandoned, unloved or like God isn’t hearing me. But the Word of God reminds me that He is waiting for me to come to him during those times. 

But the LORD still waits for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for him to help them. (Is. 30:18) 

Does this mean I simply ask once and leave it at that? No! I must continue to press in, to ask, to seek God through His word until such time as the answer or direction is brought forth. I am to continually come to Him so that He can show me His love and compassion, and so that in due time He can rescue me. 

I do not know what you are waiting on the Lord for. I myself am waiting on a few things. But my prayer is that we would all be strengthened as we wait; that we would lean in to hear what He is saying; that we would trust that His timing is perfect and that He will reveal His plan in due time. God is for us, not against us. In our waiting, we must remember His great love for us! 

But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. (Is. 40:31)

LORD....

I give You my heart.

How many times I've sang this song in church,

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every Breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me
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Have Your way in me, Lord.  I pray this prayer, but I am not always prepared for what God will bring.  When it comes to attitudes and issues of my heart, those things about myself that are hard to face, I would rather hang onto the old heart, because the pain of facing myself is sometimes too overwhelming.

I have been walking down some old paths lately.  I've been partnering with old thought patterns and allowing my emotions to slow me down in my pursuit of God.  The mind and the heart are so closely connected.  I have allowed my negative thought processes to filter down into my heart.  The pain of dreams yet unfulfilled.  The pain of "if I only would have".  The pain of regret and missed opportunities.  And even though the feelings I have are valid, my response to them have been far from perfect and have adversely affected my heart.  I have allowed my heart to become diseased.

A couple of nights ago, as I was striving to give God my all in worship, we had the following dialogue,

GOD: Give your heart to me.

ME: I already have.

GOD: Give me your heart.

ME: Lord, You have my heart.

GOD: I want to give you a new heart.

ME: Lord, it hurts too much. Can't you just fix the one I have?

GOD: I can fix it, yes. However,  I desire to give you a new heart. 

I was undone at that moment. There are things in my heart that keep me from pursuing my Beloved the way I desire to.  These things keep me in a place of unworthiness and insignificance and prevent me from moving forward in my pursuit of Him.  These things must be pulled up by their roots.  God desires to break every chain that binds, and remove every barrier that hinders me from running hard after Him.  I am desperately in need of a new heart. 

I've been crying out for God. For the Living God.

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
(Psalm 84:2) 

And as I cry out for more of God, He comes, like a flood, to fill my heart. But lately I feel that there is hardly room enough for God to come and occupy the deep places of my heart.  My arteries have become clogged. The blood flow of the life of Christ that is running through my veins is sometimes blocked from reaching the very core of my heart.  And my heart often beats for other lovers.  Other things and other relationships that can only bring momentary satisfaction.  I want a heart that beats for Him and Him alone, a heart flowing with the richness of His love and mercy.  A heart that is pure and unwavering in my faith.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  (Psalm 51:10)

And even though my heart says "YES", I am weak. My love for Him is weak. I would rather not have to endure the pain of facing myself, my shortcomings, my failures, my attitudes. But I trust Him to care for my heart, despite the pain.

Sometimes God comes as the Potter.  His desire is to mold and shape me more into His image and likeness.  At other times, God comes to cleanse and to purge, to take out the impurities in my heart so that I will have space for the Holy God of the universe to reign there.  And there are still other times when God comes and desires to bring a complete overhaul of my heart.  This is where I am today.  I've struggled with these "little" issues for far too long.  They are weighing me down and slowing me down.

"So I place my heart into Your hands, Lord,
and offer it up to You."

And even though it's painful, I trust that God will care for my heart gently and tenderly.  I am willing to endure the pain of a heart transplant if it means I will gain Christ as my reward. 

What Matters Most

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Over the last couple of years (notice I said years and not days, weeks or months), conversations like these have been all too familiar in our home:

Mommy, can we go to a movie today?  No, sweetie, I don't have the extra money.

Hey mom, can you buy me that neat flannel?  It's on sale.  No hun, I have bills to pay.

Mom, can we buy some ice cream bars?  No sweetie, I can only buy what's on my list.

These conversations continue on almost a daily basis.  As a mother, it's not just my desire to provide what my children need, but I long to be able to give them the things they want from time to time.  Over the last couple of years, we've struggled financially to keep our heads above water.  God has been so good to provide my husband with work, after being laid off for a year, and we never lack in having the things that matter most -- love, food, clothing, shelter.  I have grown so much in my faith during this season of my life.  But although I am learning and grasping the importance of the things that truly matter, I am not sure my children, at least the younger ones, have caught on just yet.

My heart aches when I have to hear myself say "no" over and over again to the smallest and even most inexpensive things.  Today was an especially hard day. I took my youngest daughter shopping with me and had to hear myself deny her wants a few times.  And then I started to look around and see that the stores were beginning to put out their Christmas merchandise and I could feel near panic setting in.  I caught myself beginning to feel a little hopeless and depressed.  I had to pull it together though.  I refused to have a melt down in the middle of the mall in front of my ten year old daughter!

When I got home, I had to begin to reflect again on the goodness of God.  I had to purpose in my heart to fix my gaze on Him, focusing once again on what matters most.  Today was an opportunity to teach my daughter that although she has wants, they are not necessarily needs at this time.  And for those things she is in need of, God will take of those things.  We do not have to worry about what we will eat, drink or wear, for the same God who feeds the sparrow will feed and clothe us.

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

 ²⁸ “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

 ³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Matt. 25:26-33 NLT)

Even though today was a hard day I know what matters most.

I may not be able to afford the movie theater.
But we can enjoy a movie we own, snuggling together on the couch,

sharing popcorn and making memories.

I may not be able to afford the latest fashion.

But I am very resourceful.  eBay and Craigs List are two

of my best friends.  We don't mind hammy downs.

I may not be able to buy a lot of the "extras" at the grocery store.

But our stomachs are always full.

Our God is rich beyond measure and desires to lavish good gifts on His children.  That includes me and my family.  And even though I've been labeled as the "mom who always says no", we serve a God who loves to say "YES"!  I pray that my children would understand how rich they are.  I may not be able to take them to the Magic Kingdom for vacation.  But I can show them how to secure their place in the Kingdom of God and teach them to set their affections on things above and not so much on material possessions.

I am so thankful that God is using this season of my life to help me to understand the importance of the things that matter most.  All of the other things I leave in His very capable hands. 

Mustard Seed Faith

Matthew 17:20

“You don’t have enough faith,”Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

Jesus told his disciples that they did not have enough faith to cast out the demon. He told them if they would have just had faith as small as a mustard seed, then it would have been done. I think often we try and muster up huge amounts of faith to do what it is we feel God has called us to do. In a healing line for example, I have been known before to tell God I did not have enough faith to pray for healing. But did I have any faith? Yes! Then I should have believed that God would have met me the rest of the way. Because we are in partnership with God, it only takes the faith that we do have to perform the task. God meets us the rest of the way. Our faith, joined together with Him, can accomplish any task. I would say that it takes faith, no matter the measure, and most importantly a willing vessel and yielded heart to see the hand of God. I walk in different levels of faith in my life. There are areas where I do not have to call on God to increase my faith, because I've gone to the next level in that area. There are other areas where I am continuing to ask Him to increase my faith, because I know that unless He meets me, I do not yet have the faith to see it accomplished. It all starts with a seed. Will we plant that seed so that God can water it and take it where He wills?

Faith to Believe what we Cannot See

As a follow up to my post last week on contending for breakthough, I am in the process of healing. A few weeks ago, I woke up with severe pain in my hand/wrist. It hurt so bad I could barely move it. Almost every morning I would wake up with this extreme pain. Last week I finally went to the doctor because the pain was beginning to affect my typing, which I do alot of during the day at the office. Based on the doctor's evaluation, I have inflammation due to "overuse". She told me to stay off the computer. This was not acceptable to me as my ability to type affects my job. I immediately sent an email out to some of those on our prayer chain. Friday night I was running Pro Presenter in the Prayer Room and noticed I had absolutely no pain. I claimed my healing right then and there (and was even able to lay hands on others and see them partially healed). However, over the last few days, this pain has been rearing it's ugly head again. Some people would immediately think, "well, I guess God DIDN"T heal me". But no, this is not the case. I believe that God IS healing me, and that I am to walk out my healing with faith in knowing that He is able. The scripture tells us that "by His stripes we ARE healed":

Is. 53:5
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

Even though I may not see the healing fully manifested yet, it does not mean that it is not happening. Jesus already paid the price on the cross for my healing. I must continue to press through until what is in heaven becomes a reality in my life here on earth. This is where faith and trust come into play. Faith is not believing that God can, but that He will! Do I trust God enough to complete that which He started? I must have faith to believe and continue to press in....to pull on heaven...to proclaim what is not as though it is. Just because I cannot see it, does not mean I can't believe it. I will not give up. I will continue to remind God of His Word and of His promise of healing towards me:

Psa. 30:2
O LORD my God, I cried out to You,
And You healed me.

God is able. I am still contending!